My closest friend is in deep love with me personally. Therefore now Sue is extremely hurt and seems betrayed.

Every our relationship expert, Sarah Abell, answers readers’ questions on emotional issues week.

7:00AM GMT 15 Mar 2011

In the past my closest friend, Sue, said she had dropped in love off saying, “I don’t feel the same way, you’re my best friend, I’m straight” with me and I brushed her. She is at enough time and is still in a relationship that is committed young ones. We always been best friends within the years with durations where she’d distance themself from our friendship however we’d return to being ok once more, at the very least, I was thinking we did.

Sue now informs me she’s got held it’s place in love with me the whole time and has struggled whenever I’ve held it’s place in relationships, which may have been with dudes. Fast-forward to now and I also find myself in my own very very first relationship with a lady and it also is with Sue’s really closest friend of two decades. We don’t understand why it just happened nonetheless it did and it also’s good.

She ended up being waiting I was meant to be with her for me to have the “ah ha” moment and realise.

Plus the only explanation she thought over time because I would never want to be with a girl that we weren’t together was. She blames me personally for the design her relationship has been doing when it comes to previous many years and she feels that I’ve led her on for the whole time.

Sue is extremely annoyed I do not know how to navigate the situation with me and. She wishes distance, that we have but i will be really upset too at having lost her friendship. She informs me she’s working on the family and relationship now and if it gets better, we are able to be buddies as time goes on. We come together and so I see her every single day. Along with her relationship together with her friend that is best hasn’t changed; it’s simply ours, that will be the difficulty. Do you have got any advice on how best to salvage this relationship?

What a situation that is messy! I must state reading your page I became reminded to be fifteen once again whenever my buddies and I also talked about “best friends”, had crushes, got jealous sporadically whenever buddies dated one another and would see red if your mate produced move on some body we liked. However you aren’t teens navigating the turbulent waters of unrequited love, raging hormones and testing the boundaries of relationship – you might be grown women – whom dare I state it, should be aware of better. In the place of using the passive approach of believing this will be one thing occurring for your requirements if you and Sue took some responsibility for your own actions and behaviour– I think it would be more productive.

Let’s begin with Sue. This woman is in “a committed relationship with kiddies” and blames you when it comes to bad state of her relationship along with her partner. For all these years anyway especially if you told her you weren’t interested if she is in a committed relationship – why was she pursuing you? You can easily blame other individuals nevertheless the the fact is Sue permitted her emotions for you really to eat her and she, perhaps not you, is in charge of their state of her relationship along with her family members.

You meanwhile appear unacquainted with why Sue might be upset and feel annoyed that she has been lost by you relationship. If you’re dedicated to salvaging this relationship you’ll want to make an effort to comprehend her emotions and get truthful in regards to the component you played in producing this current situation. Consider truthfully on– knowing as you did that she had romantic feelings for you whether you ever did anything to lead her? Could your intimacy or friendliness have now been interpreted as flirtation? Might you have put up better boundaries around your relationship? You caused if you answered “yes” – consider apologising to Sue for any upset.

You don’t mention just exactly how Sue discovered regarding the brand new relationship but from you directly – think about how that made her feel if it wasn’t. Have actually you attempted to show her exactly how you unexpectedly became drawn to a girl (specially one that is her friend that is best) whenever for a lot of years you reported you might never fancy some body of your sex? Once you understand the reality may help her to know a better that is little.

Exactly what does your partner that is new think the problem?

It appears amazing that her relationship with Sue has remained unscathed. Did she perhaps not understand that Sue was at love to you before she made her go? But, as Sue is not upset together with her, possibly she can help you to re-build your relationship. Decide to try asking on her insights on Sue’s responses and maybe some suggestions about just just what might enhance issues.

My suggestion is to communicate with Sue, apologise if you wish to and talk about means of moving forward together with your relationship and relationship that is working. Nonetheless it maybe that Sue can’t or won’t move ahead with this. If it may be the situation – you’ve got no option but to respect her emotions also to keep her to re-build her relationships. Often readiness is once you understand when you should keep well alone.


* Please send the questions you have on relationship and problems that are emotional Sarah Abell, The constant Telegraph, 111 Buckingham Palace path, London, SW1W 0DT, or e-mail sarah. Concerns should not be any more than 100 terms and may suggest if you can find any details you will not want a part of printing. Sarah will read every page but regrets that she cannot reply for them independently.

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